A Bear and a Bird
by Qmanthegamer
Summary: A bear and a bird setting out to defeat a witch… Thought you wouldn't hear THAT story here. A rendition of the classic Nintendo 64 platformer! Relive the perils, fun, and excitement that the game had to offer. Wait, this is a video game? I thought it was real life!
1. Prologue

Prologue

 **What the… Why am I typing on a screen?**

 **Why do I have to use to text to communicate?!  
…**

…

 **...Oh wait… It's my first fanfiction. All I can do is type…**

 **-_- So, this is basically just the normal story of Banjo Kazooie**

 **Yeah… Nothing really special, except…**

 **It is remastered!**

 **Imagine you playing Banjo Kazooie (And if you never played it, imagine playing on an old controller playing a 3D platformer with a bear and a bird)**

 **Good… Now imagine that playthrough, all the in mind dialogue, all the thoughts, all the drama, imagine that…**

 **As a web book… Yeah… Nothing much has changed.**

 **But I am going to make my best effort to make this an amazing chapter-based story!**

 **Like all FanFictions, reviews are helpful, and are greatly promoted!**

 **So… Without further to do, let's enter the world of Banjo Kazooie…! WAHOO!**

 **If you couldn't tell already… I am extremely weird.**


	2. Chapter 1 - A Witch With a Plan

**Welp… Looks like we got ourselves a new fanfic!**

 **Oh… This is certainly going to be an interesting first chapter…**

 **I don't have much experience with FanFictions, so we will just have to see how this turns out!**

Chapter 1- A Witch With a Plan

"Dingpot, Dingpot, By the bench, who's the nicest looking wench?" a weighty green skinned witch walks up to her cauldron. As she waves her hands over it creating a green smoke.

"Why it's Grunty anyday… She really takes my breath away." In an act, the cauldron coughs, putting a hefty grin on the witch's face.

"Yes, you are right, I am rather proud. My looks stand me out from the crowed." The witch boasted. As these words are spoken, the cauldron looks down to the floor as if he was concerned.

"Well you see… There is this girl." The cauldron finally said. "What do you mean! This cannot be! No one is prettier than me!" The witch proclaimed.

"Why it's Tooty, young and small… She is the prettiest girl of all…" The cauldron told her.

"No, no no!" The witch exclaimed "You must be mad! Nicer beauty can't be had!"

"Unfortunately, I think you'll find, it's Tooty that is cute and kind." the boiling pot explained. The witch was furious. No way could someone outdo her is prettiness. As she thought of a way to get back at her new rival, she suddenly brightened up. She had a plan, a very clever and devious plan, that would certainly make the old hag win, and the young bear lose.

"Well, we'll just have to see about that!" With a snap of her fingers, her broomstick flew to her side, and followed her out the door.

=Meanwhile=

"Hey there Tooty! How are you!" a stubby mole exclaimed. He was dusting off an old plaid buttoned shirt, and wore rubber goggles that covered his eyes.

"Hello Mr. Mole! I'm fine!" The bear answered, "I was just visiting my brother so we could go on an adventure!" The bear took the mole's hand and ran over to the blue, short house at the end of the path.

In the one room home, there was a bear in his bed, soundly asleep, while snoring excessively loud. On the other side, though, right next to the window, a clothes rack, hanging a blue backpack.

As Tooty quietly tapped on the pack, a small, red breegull with a long, slender, yellow beak slowly appeared from the bag, eyes half closed, and looking very drowsy.

"What is it Tooty…" the tired bird asked, "Can't you see I was trying to get some sleep!"

Tooty knew an adventure would make the breegull awaken, so with a soft whisper to the bird's ear, she made her requests. The bird's face lightened up.

"Ok, Will do!" Kazooie obediently said. With a quick nod, the two, The bear and the mole, went back to their original positions, and covered their ears for what was about to happen.

"BANJO!" The bird yelled "WAKE UP! YOUR SISTER WANTS TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE!"

Eyes still shut, the bear suddenly gained consciousness and answered the question.

"Kazooie…" The bear explained "Give me at least a few more minutes...:" The bird looked back out the window, and lifted one… Finger? Feather? I couldn't exactly tell myself. Whatever it was, it somehow signalled that Banjo would come out soon.

=Meanwhile=

The witch had arrived from her mountain fortress, ready to begin her plan. She cackled to herself, going over how the plan would go in her head.

"If Tooty thinks she's fairer than me…" she thought aloud "I'll steal her looks, and ugly she'll be!" In mere seconds, the witch found her way to Banjo's home, and just her luck as Tooty was standing outside, vulnerable.

"Are you sure you will be fine waiting out here alone?" the concerned mole asked, he needed to get back to his den, dinner was nearly ready.

"Yep! Banjo doesn't take that long to get ready." Tooty answered. With that, the mole waved goodbye, and swiftly sunk back into his dirt mound.

Soon, only a dot in the sky, Tooty noticed something. "What in the world could that be?" she questioned. Soon her question was answered, the witch swooped down and grabbed her.

The little bear struggled to get out her grasp "What are…*grunt* you doing?!" the little girl questioned. The witch only smirked at her.

The plan is simple as you can see." the witch explained "To make you fat and make me leen!" As she said it, she let out a loud cackle.

Just as this scene happened, the mole climbed back out of his hill, "Huh? What's going on?!" He yelled. He stared at the sky, catching a glimpse of the witch kidnapping the young bear. "Oh no! This is bad!" he stated, "Really… Really.. Bad!"

With the last of her voice, Tooty yelled as loud as she could "HEEEEEELP MEEEEE!" as she soon vanished out of sight.

"Huh? Wha- what just happened?!" the startled bear questioned. He knew he could sleep through a Hurricane, but when her sister calls for help, he almost always wakes up.

The mole ran to the bear's door. "Banjo! Hurry! Come outside!" he exclaimed. With that, the bear prepared himself with his backpack and bird partner, and swiftly ran out the door.

"B-Bottles?!" the bird cried. The two always hated each other since childhood. "Ok, what horrible thing happened that you could've easily solved?"

"Ok, first of all, I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to!" Bottles explained "Second of all, I have an alibi!"

It wasn't long, Bottles explained the scene that happened all just now. As the story was told, Banjo had a face of sorrow and worry, while Kazooie only had the face of… Well.. It seemed to be a mix of anger and joy. Like someone that was ready to fight.

"Well Bottles," the bear started "I have no idea how to fight someone like her!" Bottles, with a disappointed frown, whacked Banjo is the face. "What the- What was that for?!"the bear questioned.

"If you cared for your sister! You wouldn't care about your strengths and weaknesses!" the mole proclaimed. Bottles then turned away, staring at the witch's' lair, deep in thought. "But if you want to get even with the witch, I could teach you a few basic moves."

"Pah! What could a stubby mole teach us?!" the bird laughed. Bottles only glared at her with a giant grin.

"Well bird breath…" the mole said "If you don't want to learn how to fly, then I guess I'll let you go by yourselves!"

Kazooie, was pissed, Bottles knew her only disability. As a young bird, Kazooie was always tortured by her siblings, all because she was the only one that couldn't fly!

Regretfully, the two shook hands, and the training, begun.

 **Well… That was a pretty good start, wouldn't you say so Kazooie?**

 **Kazooie: "I didn't get enough lines!"**

 **You know how every good author has a bitch sidekick? Well I have one too!**

 **Kazooie: "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING BITCHY?!"**

 **Welp, I can't wait to hear (er… see) those reviews!**

 **Kazooie: "AND YOU ARE AVOIDING ME?! OH YOU ARE SO GONNA GET IT!"**

 **Whatever… How good could a girl fi-**

 ***PUNCH* *KICK* OW! *PUNCH* STOP IT!**

 **WELL *PUNCH* THANKS FOR *KICK* READING THIS CHAPTER! *PUNCH* WE'LL BE BACK *GRUNT* SOON!**

 **GET OFF ME YOU LITTLE RUNT!**


	3. Chapter 2 - A Bear in the Lair

Chapter 2- A Bear, in the Lair

The bear had felt pain before, but not as much as he did now. As he opened his eyes, he noticed the cuts and bruises on his fist, and then he realized. He just punched a rock.

"Come one Banjo," the mole held a clipboard and a pen "If you want to even get close to the witch's level, you'll have to do better than that." The bear has been training for hours, and he was easily exhausted.

"Um… Bottles, I'm not sure this is gonna work." Banjo said. The two seemed on the verge of collapsing. They haven't trained this hard ever in their life.

The mole sighed. "Ok then, maybe you can have a short break, but you'll have to work extra hard after."

The two fell to the ground, thankful that the training was finally over, but also a bit apprehensive knowing that even more vigorous training followed.

=LATER=

Even more hours have past, and each hour, the two got stronger, and the two also got even more worried. They knew their sister was up there, in the giant witch's face on the ominous mountain, and they hoped she was alright.

"Well, your training has certainly seemed to have helped." the mole exclaimed "You are showing great signs of progress."

"Whatever," Kazooie said "You still haven't taught me how to fly yet." the bird glared at the mole, seemingly with the intent to kill.

"I think you two are ready to go." the mole said, he then pointed to the witch's castle in the distance. The bridge still broken and flimsy. The mole proclaimed that he would fix the bridge once their training was done.

The bear and the bird were ready to face that ugly old witch. They knew many knew moves, punches, kicks, swings, they even could double jump if they had to.

Two animals walked along a bridge into an unknown castle. A castle no one would dare roam into, a castle that held mysteries of fate and fortune inside.

=MEANWHILE=

"Klungo!" a witch yelled "Come in here! I have no time! The contraption I have shall work just fine!" And on command, a large green beast entered the room. One of his eyes were bigger than the other, he wore a ripped white shirt that went from his shoulders to his toes with a huge collar that hung around his neck. He had two large teeth and towered above the two, even the witch who, compared to me, seemed quite fat and tall.

"Pull that lever over there for me, the contraption shall then start! One, two, three!" the witch commanded him. The minion tilting his head looking at the witch, because the witch seemed to barely fit inside the machine, and even so she had to curl up in a ball just to be comfortable. Although the scene was completely hilarious and strange, the… monster… managed to keep a straight face, and he pulled the lever.

"This fine contraption so I am told…" the witch started "Will make me young… And Tooty old!" Gruntilda then let out a ear piercing cackle.

"You don't know what you are getting into ya old hag!" Tooty exclaimed "My brother will come to kick your butt!"

"Rescue you he will not dare… There are many dangers in my lair." the witch explained. Soon, the doors close, signalling the process of transformation. The gauge at the top of the machine starting blinking, flashing the words 'NEED CHARGING' in bright neon lights.

"Klungo, I thought I told you to charge this machine!" Gruntilda yelled "In seconds it was supposed to make me lean!"

"Missstresss!" Klungo answered "Bear and bird have knocked out or power sssupply!' If you couldn't tell by now, Klungo has a severe lisp.

"Ugh, someone stop him before he comes! If this works out, this shall be fun…" the witch explained. With the flick of her wrist and a magic spell, her minions flew out with the sound of a bell! (Wow, I guess i'm just as good at making rhymes as Grunty! ^-^)

=MEANWHILE=

This was expected. Bottles told the two that minions after minions would be attacking them in this lair, but they were ready.

Banjo took the first few attacks, punching a minion here and kicking another one there. One tried sneaking up from behind, but Banjo quickly took the evasive and dodged the attack. While the enemy was vulnerable, Banjo swiped his sharp claws on his victim's back, opening up his shirt and leaving a few visible claw marks.

Soon, Kazooie decided to join in on the fun. Kazooie whispered her plan to Banjo. It was the perfect time too, all the minions were starting to surround the two of them. With a hand gesture, the two held hands and called out the name of their powerful technique.

"BACKPACK BASH!" the two yelled out, and as they did, Banjo swung his backpack around, holding the birds hands, in a complete 360 degree rotation. The moment an enemy made impact with the pack, they would be sent flying many feet away, either hitting a wall or the hard, unforgiving floor.

The two were done, well, almost done. There was one more minion standing under the painting with his hands in the air. Banjo and Kazooie were about the prepare a final attack when…

"I… I surrender!" the minion pleaded "Please… Don't hurt me.!" the minion then walked away, his feet trembling, he tripped several times while walking up the hill.

"So, I guess that shall be our next stop!" the bird exclaimed, pointing at the very same hill the enemy just traveled up. The two quickly ran towards the passageway, only to be halted by a forcefield. It wasn't the barrier that hurt, but it was the hard, rocky, ground his head just collided with.

"I think I understand how those bad guys feel now…" Banjo said, rubbing his head softly. He looked up at the roof, because he heard feedback, like from a microphone.

"Not so fast you two!" the witch somehow yelled through some imaginary speaker system, that probably had to do with some sort of magic. "Let me explain some rules…"

The two groaned. "What do ya want ya old hag? Can't you see we are busy with something?" Kazooie yelled. The witch didn't seem to listen.

"If a barrier blocks your view, it's off limits for the both of you." the witch said "Another thing you must find, are jigsaw pieces from time to time. They will open magical doors, for dangerous worlds so you can explore."

The pair stared around the room, looking for every single clue that could lead them to find what they needed to do (The rhymes!^^) They then stared at a highly unnatural landmark. Three pedestals with grass on top, making them look like ancient ruin structures.

"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" the bird questioned Banjo. Banjo nodded and jumped atop each pillar to see what was at the top. To both of their surprise, they were met with a golden, floating jigsaw piece (Some freaky magic right there…) and an addition, eyes!

"You have found me!" the 'jiggy' spoke "Great, now find a jigsaw picture with a piece missing!"

"What is this? A puzzle?!" the bird exclaimed. In a fury, she ate it…

Well… That just happened…

"Kazooie!" the bear yelled "What have you done?!" the bear took Kazooie out of her home and stretched her neck, making the jiggy… Somehow… Pop out.

...I'm not even going to question this anymore... *facepalm*

They found a room. The room was a small room compared to the giant hall they just appeared from. It showed (Again, an unnaturally small) mountain, with a locked door.

After several attempts to open said door, the two gave up and set their minds to a puzzle picture at the other end of the room.

"This is a puzzle game!" the bird yelled out. The only thing the bear did was hold up the, slightly wet, jigsaw puzzle to the picture, and the puzzle automatically completed itself. The jigsaw locked into place, and looked like any other jigsaw piece. With a bit of a rumble in the lair, a door opened, the door they just passed by, a door that opened to Mumbo's Mountain.

Just as strange and questionable as a bear and a bird, a bear and a bird walked into a mountain with a door, on their first steps to beating a witch.

Like I said… Strange…

 **Phew! Finally done with the next chapter! Took me a while to get this out! Eh Kazooie?**

 **Kazooie: That fight scene was horrible! You are horrible *takes sip of lemonade* Just like this lemonade.**

 ***Kazooie throws lemonade in Qman's face.***

 **Yeah… Anywho, the next chapter will be out quicker than this one, and it will feature the first level, Mumbo's Mountain.**

 **Kazooie: Took you long enough…**

 **You know, since i'm the author, I can just mute you out of my end commentaires right? Also, MY LEMONADE AIN'T THAT BAD… I just forgot some sugar.**

 **Kazooie: Like you would, you're too much of a punk.**

 **3…**

 **Kazooie: ?**

 **2…**

 **Kazooie: You wouldn't…**

 **1…**

 **Kazooie: YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS**

" **Kazooie has been muted"**

 **Well, now that she is gone, I definitely want to hear some reviews! So please start writing!**

 **-Qmanthegamer**


	4. Chapter 3 - Starting Off With a Jinjo

**Hmmm.. Still haven't gotten a single review…**

 **Maybe I should do one more chapter to get them to spill the beans…**

"What is this place?" Banjo said to himself. Not expecting the bird behind her to answer.

"Last time I checked," Kazooie deadpanned "The door said this was Mumbo's Mountain." the two looked around, and took note of the scenery… Not that there was much to it…

The area was mostly grass, with a few mountains on either side, covered with dirt. The area looked quite linear, but that was probably so the two couldn't cheat through the lair. In the center (or close), there was a huge pillar that seemed to represent a giant termite mound.

"Well, this is nothing special." Kazooie blurted, and then noticed the purple goblin sneaking behind her. "Lookout!"

"What?" the bear questioned, turning around to have a well placed punch hit him straight in the face. "Now i'm starting to feel bad for those minions."

In response, Banjo swung his backpack onto the victim's head, sending a mighty blow to the goblin's cranium. And to their surprise, in the place where the enemy just stood, was a honeycomb.

"Nice! I'm liking this game!" Banjo said with glee as he picked up the honeycomb and held it to his mouth. Another surprise awaiting him was a slap by Kazooie.

"Put that down!" the bird exclaimed, "that witch could have… put poison in it…or something..." Completely ignoring what she just said, Banjo ate the food anyways. With another punch, Banjo was done.

"Ok… What's the big idea?" Banjo questioned, "I ate it! Nothing happened! What's your problem?!" the bird glared at him.

"You hairy fool…" Kazooie chastised to him. He then began to glow, causing Kazooie to quietly stare in amazement.

"You know Kazooie…" the glowing bear started, "I actually feel stronger, thank you very much."

Wow… Looks like Kazooie just got burned.

With a light bonk on the head by the "winged-wonder" the two started to walk into this strange wilderness.

The first thing the two noticed, the giant metal bridge crossing a lake. As the two slowly, and cautiously walked onto the extension, they wobbled back and forth due to the bridge being rickety.

"Careful Banjo!" the bird said. Banjo just nodded and continued to walk across the metal bridge, until something caught his eye.

It looked like a creature. Well… It was a creature. It looked kinda like a blue bird, except without wings and it had an actual body with hands and stubby legs.

The creature looked clearly distressed, grunting and groaning trying to get his feet unstuck from the ground, seemingly attached to some green goo.

As Banjo crouched down, ready to take a leap, Kazooie looked at him puzzled. She then immediately realized what he was up to once he lifted his feet off the surface, gliding into the air with ease.

Now that part was easy. He glided through the air with ease, but didn't land with much ease. He landed face first into the pillar of land sticking out from the pond.

"Ouch…" Banjo said. I feel kinda bad about the poor bear to be honest. Anyways, as he got up, the creature shook in fear.

"P-Please… D-Don't hurt m-m-me…" he said quietly. The bear raised a furry claw, frightening the thing even more. As he swung, he swung at the green ooze on the ground, freeing the "Jinjo."

The jinjo shook his feet, seeming to be analyzing what just happened. He then realised.

 **He has been freed.**

He then looked up at the pair with excitement and glee in his eyes. He floated up into the sky, leaving a trail of glitter behind him. "Thank you!" he yelled! "Me and my friends have been imprisoned by the Witch! Please save us!" he yelled as a card floated down into the bear's claws.

The card had 5 similar looking creatures. The only difference was that there was a red one, blue, purple, yellow, and green version. The two gazed up at the departed jinjo and knew that they had a new mission.

And then something else caught their eyes. A musical note found underneath the water, in a small cave in. The two nodded to each other, and dove down into the water to retrieve this new musical item.

"I'm a musical note! There are 100 of us on each worlds! You need to find all of us to defeat the witch!"

"Wait, there are more of these worlds?" Kazooie questioned as the note simply disappeared into thin air. The two kept swimming, collecting each and every single one of the notes they could find. They probably would need it anyways.

"Well, i'm not sure anything else weird could happen now!" the bear said optimistically. The two finally got out of the pond and got greeted with a huge, exaggerated orange.

"Mmmm.." the bear said as one hit his face. "I like oranges."

The bird shook her head. This is not going well for the two. What will await the two in this world? What is happening with Tootie? Find out on Chapter 4 of A BEAR AND A BIRD!

 **Are you sure this will help give me reviews?**

 **Kazooie: Certainly! Who doesn't like reading fan-mail?!**

 **Yeah, but… We don't have any fan-mail.**

 **Kazooie: Really? Well your fanfiction must suck eggs if it has no fan-mail!**

 **Ugh… Oh wait! Here is a review from the Story of the Roles fanfiction!**

 **Kazooie: Story… Of… The what?!**

 **Ok… It reads:**

 _Yeah. BG is pretty awesome..._

 _I really like this idea and I hope you continue._

 _Best wishes to you._

 _:)_

 _-I wish I can, February 20, 2016_

 **Yep! I love me some Bodyguard! I will certainly be continuing, even though I was on hiatus for about 2 months…**

 **Kazooie: Quinci! I think you are out of it!  
Wha..? What are you talking about?!  
Kazooie: THIS IS YOUR ONLY FANFICTION! YOU HAVE NO REVIEWS!**

 ***facepalm***

 **Well, next chapter out once I get Escort and Investigator done! See ya sometime soon!**


End file.
